I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
