Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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