"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
