he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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