Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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