i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
