At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
