You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
