I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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