Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
