it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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