We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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