i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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