Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
