Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
