Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I did not marry a roomba.
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