my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
