Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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