The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
