R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
In America we eat man semen.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
