She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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