Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
