sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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