Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
