8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
