you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
