thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I intend to get homeless drunk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
