We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
