Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not ubering you a puppy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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