i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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