just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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