Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
