I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
