I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
