So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
