Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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