I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
