the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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