is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
