you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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