she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
