There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They took my balls.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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