i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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