I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have fence marks all over my body
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