he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
