i jhust puked up my retainher.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
