There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
