Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
