My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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