i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
