please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
