When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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