I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
