so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
